That’s a good relationship. This is the age situation.
Actually speaking to your son will make some difference.
Get the younger one have some into patience building activities like – sports or music.
This will make him understand the use of patience to handle situations. Elder one must be given advice & explanation to help support his younger brother. Don’t distinguish between them when you deal as parents. Give them equal chance.
Practically impossible, you can’t shield, but you can always inculcate values – ethical, social and emotional. This will eliminate the chances of child getting influenced. Frankly, you can’t reduce peer pressure – can’t eliminate friends. But you can be more approachable and friendly. Stop scolding if your child has missed some homework some day, then trust me he’ll come and tell you every mis-deed he might have been exposed to.
Yes, this is quite common now a days. At 11 years he’s grown enough to understand social norms. Immediate training is required. Give him some tasks and assignments at home. Make him feel that he’s grown up. But regards to 17 year old you must handle carefully. He’s a young adult. Make sure you spend more time with him than his friends and outsiders.
First thing to do is stop nagging the 17 year old. Give her the space she wants. This is simple adolescence requirement. Start talking to her about all other things – may be about make-up/fashion/movies/friends etc, which would interest her and make her open up. You can’t simply stop her, but as you get in friendly lines, she’ll start spending more time you instead of locked up room.
Important work to do is speak to them about what you see around – simply they might be interested in chit-chats, go ahead and do it. Talk about friends/movies/fashion etc whatever they like. There are certain things which we see around but avoid speaking to our kids, but I advise do that. Trust me they understand everything around.
This is not the age of instructions. Further your child is not in the generation of instructions. He needs to be convinced for doing any task. Don’t spoil your image but giving instructions and he defying your orders. Try Carrot and Stick method of management – Rewards and Punishments/Zero rewards. Understand that he needs recognition at this 12 years age. Give him his recognition. He’ll surely do things when his personal reputation (not for society, but his own eyes) is at stake. Appreciate for any small achievement he does.
Your son build up his own opinion and hence speaks accordingly. Try to expose him to various types of people. He’ll avoid socializing with elders, but would be very go along with his same age guys. So at this age it would be better to meet more varieties of people, may be though movies or direct interaction. When about movies, talk to him about the personality and attitude of the characters. Counselors do this method. Meet an educational counselor if situation is serious.
I still doubt that you have checked all problems ! Sometimes (not always) subject teachers are not really able to make students feel the urge to study and gain knowledge. This is the result of such a situation. There are two options – 1) Try to get more friendly along with her and explain the importance of academics and participation in school activities for her personal gain – personality development. 2) Generate some activity involving her presence in school, like some responsible role. Class-teacher if really supportive, then can help. As a teacher I ways do this.
Give them TRUE Scientific Answers. We simply do that to teenagers. While teaching students about gender and adolescence, we even talk about sex and masturbation. They know everything, if we hide and refrain, then they seek help from un-censored sources like websites and friends.
She is in teen – an age of ‘storm and turmoil’. Give her own space when she wants. Speak to her like a friend, as well as a mentor. While chatting, explain the difference between Good and Bad, Friends and Foes. Tell her what your generation used to do (but without any boasting that your generation was good or so). Irritability is the state of her age. Give her your shoulder.
You as parent need to have patience. Actually this is a disease now, rather than a problem – because of the current media and other exposures, more adamant behaviour and rudeness has increased in society. Speaking to your child about the benefits of politeness in behaviour is helpful. Show some family team spirit involving movies and chit-chat about the behaviour of the characters in the family of the movie. Don’t ever try to show effect of negative behaviour (don’t show movies like munnabhai mbbs).
It might seem difficult, but start doing some full family prayer sessions everyday. Chant prayers like Ganesh Vandana or Hanuman Chalisa. This increases concentration and also don’t make the younger generation feel bored. Don’t try Yoga, as they feel bored and get more distracted.
Is he shy? In that situation group games or tasks involving team members is helpful. Check his 16PF test (personality test) if possible – it’s a psychometric test.
Abhra Pratip Ray is a Professor, Teachers’ Trainer, Educator, Psychometric Trainer, Counselor. He is the owner and Director of Pinnacle EDUCARE(An organization into research of Behavior of senior secondary students and behavioral therapy) and Rays Academy and has been awarded as the ‘Best Teacher by Image Achievers Welfare Forum, Mumbai and the Best Education Mentor award from Brands Academy, Delhi’.
He has written 39 research papers into Educational behavior of Adolescents. Abhra Pratip Ray has recently presented a research paper in a state level seminar. His expertise lie in Parenting & Mistakes, Empowering Girls, Early Adulthood, Parental Rights, etc.
Abhra Pratip Ray – Parental Friendship With Their Teenagers will be the session he will taking at 5to15 event.