During unprecedented times like this prolonged lockdown due to the pandemic, it is suggested that even YOU should take Bala Bala breaks from your phone and both of you should dance to it! We are really agitated and anxious from inside. This is the time to relax in any way life provides us- in this case, your sweet kid. So play with her, dance with her. As for your fear that this will become a habit, this fear is entirely unfounded. Once things change to normalcy, she will have playschool, neighbours, parks, playdates etc. Bala bala will be relegated to history. Proof? Do you remember any song you were hooked on to as a kid? Maybe mehbooba mehbooba or even mukabala? How quickly did those obsessions fade? Pretty fast, right?
As for a medical diagnosis you would need to consult a paediatrician. If you wish you can look at this wonderful paediatrician Dr Gaurav Gupta who makes regular videos for parent education on youtube. This is the link https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHhuutqc0z5CrHePURBS_Bg
Rest if the child is playful, active and accepting feeds, gaining weight, generally he is considered healthy. But no more medical advice from a ‘Psychologist’ and Parenting Coach.
Have you tried going to facebook for this? I have seen many groups and pages doing facebook live sessions around activities for young ones. You could also join the paid program Momflix by Amruta of Mumma Diaries. Reach out to her from here https://www.facebook.com/mummadiaries/.
Shyness in nature is not an abnormality. Some kids are naturally shy. This is okay. Your son may just be a little introvert. And it is OK to be an introvert. You need to make sure he can express his needs. For example if you aren’t around and he needs help with clothes or bathroom or is hungry, teach him basic phrases how he can approach another adult for help.
Secondly, teach him how to introduce himself to new kids. Basic phrases in mother tongue- like ‘hello, I am so & so, I like this & this that you have… may I join you’ etc.
This is all he needs to do for now. As he develops school friends he will make one or two close friends and this will be enough for him. Please don’t try to compare him to the general population. Majority in this world are extroverts. Introverts are in a minority but are wonderful to be around.
You will need to look ‘Under the surface’. A teen may not express all that she is feeling due to the huge change of lifestyle that this pandemic has brought about. She may be feeling isolated, worried, confused, angry, fearful etc. Since there is no outlet, she may be able to only say that she is disturbed by the missed exam. I suggest you NOT try to encourage her. I suggest you only LISTEN and ask about her feelings. Let me share a graphic which I used with my teenager. It really helped her open up when she saw that these feelings are common.
Maybe you could try scheduling? When you are free, sit with her and make a timetable. On chart paper or some colourful paper. Mark time slots, draw or paste pictures of what she should be doing with herself all day. Include activities alone, with siblings, with parents, with screens, housework etc. Then be with her for those times. Kids love to do GROWN UP things like having schedules and Appointments. Always show up for your APPOINTMENT with your daughter. This is besides being engaged during mealtimes, just after waking up and just before bed. Don’t forget to hang out with your older one even though she is more independent.
I can understand your frustration. These times are tough for the energetic outdoorsy kids (and their parents)! Have you tried exercises for her at home? There are videos available for it. Will share one- you might have seen it already- but still. Give her plenty of music time to dance, give her space to tumble, jump, skip, roll etc. Also push back her sleep time by 30-40mins. It is ok to sleep a little less since she is at home only. Finally have a wonderful sleep routine in which she (and you) can relax and wind down together- it can be singing songs, sharing stories or jokes, a warm water bath, some tickle-time, then slowly you can stroke her down to sleep. Make this pleasant routine with her and repeat daily. In a few days her body will become conditioned to falling asleep. Use this playful time for you to totally destress too. These are tough times.
At 3 she is a bundle of energy and just needs to ‘feed’ her mind. It isn’t practical for parents at this time to raise their kid without screens. To do screen-free parenting you would need to have 6-8 hours of new play & learning material for her daily each day of her life. It takes a village to raise a child. Going to school, playing with neighbours, taking vacations, visiting grandparents were all ways of giving kids new things to learn. All this is shut for now so we have to come to a new, temporary balance of activities and screen-time. Hope this helps
Firstly please know that the best gift you can give her is patient listening. Anxieties are very high right now amidst older kids and adults. Secondly, reduce her exposure to social media and news messages around Covid 19. Thirdly, let her talk to her age-mates via video calls. Seeing friends and family helps humans to calm down. Double benefit is that you can hear if they are sharing fake news or talking about their feelings.
When a child is too cooperative, it might mean that she is hiding feelings. It is wonderful that you are in touch with this. Far too many parents only focus on the troublesome child and don’t notice the ‘good kid’ who may be hiding her feelings. A good idea is to let her draw pictures and tell stories. Some of these give her space to vent her feelings. Let her play with a variety of toys, without your interference. This again helps her make sense of things. Kids sort out their feelings and make sense of the world during play. Finally you can share some stories (you can make some up!) about how kids felt when they moved and everything around them changes,it can help normalise what she is feeling. Save my number if you need one-on-one later.
Since this is general maybe we can take it up at another time? As today we are focused around the changes due to lockdown. If we have time at the end, I will address this. You could also follow my facebook page fb.me/GarimaParenting for many great parenting articles & videos. We can always do personal paid sessions if you need. Thanks for understanding
You might like my previous response. At 3 she is a bundle of energy and just needs to feed her mind. It isn’t practical for parents at this time to raise their kid without screens. To do screen-free parenting you would need to have 6-8 hours of new play & learning material for her daily each day of her life. It takes a village to raise a child. Going to school, playing with neighbours, taking vacations, visiting grandparents were all ways of giving kids NEW things to learn. All this is shut so we have to come to a new, temporary balance of activities and screen-time. The increased crying could be due to boredom or anxiety or too much sugar in the diet. You can only reduce screen time if you can feed their hungry minds with new things
If this is a general parenting question please reserve it for another session. We are focused here on changes due to lockdown. Do head over to my fb page fb.me/GarimaParenting for lots of tips and helpful videos
I know this sounds like a huge amount of time but it is ok given the unprecedented nature of the lockdown situation we are currently in. Everyone’s at home, no school, no play, no nature, no parks, no malls, no outings, no vacations, no playdates, no new toys or deliveries and tired parents!
Give yourself and your kid a break. Enjoy this time with them. What you may do is to add some other elements to her screen-time- like worksheets/ dancing with videos/ learning videos for kids etc
Also make sure she has access to lots of paper, colours, scissors for crafts and toys etc
This is a very typical behaviour. I think you will find an article of mine on this on momspresso. Will just share a general link. You will find the apt article as I have lots of Qs to get to. Please don’t mind. Thanks for understanding.
Doesn’t sound very healthy to me. Again this is not the best forum for this discussion as today’s focus is on lockdown issues. You can do a paid session with me or read my articles on momspresso and see my videos on my facebook page (all links above)
Please discuss this with him. Lack of appetite can be due to less physical activity, due to stress/ anxiety, because a growth spurt just ended, because of feeling ‘fat’ and wishing to lose weight etc. Best strategy is to listen a lot without judgement, without giving arguments or telling him why he is wrong. Believe me they know when they are thinking incorrectly etc. They just need a space where they can ‘think aloud’. Can you be that?
How short is the attention span? At 3.5 they can focus at most for about 20 mins at a time. Bright, Colourful things are more attractive than less coloured ones. Animation is more attractive than real forms. In order of priority, at this age kids prefer-
And they hate following instructions.
Hope this helps you create activities that will engage him
Garima Gupta – Parenting Rules during Lock down
Garima Gupta is a parenting expert. She is a psychologist and happiness coach by profession. She has been coaching clients for 12 years based on holistic techniques including mindfulness, Tapping technique, Presence oriented Psychotherapy, Shadow- to- gold, etc. Garima Gupta holds special expertise in psychology related to kids and teens as well as the role of mind and physical health.
Garima Gupta is the award winning author of several books, one of them being the 2019 International Book Award in Health. She is a Parenting Expert on Momspresso- India’s largest parenting portal. Garima Gupta is a permanent member of Indian psychiatric society as well as New Zealand Association of Positive Psychology. She has received the 2018 Orange Flower Award Finalist by Women’s Web and the 2018 Readers’ Favourite 5 star among others.
Garima Gupta – Parenting Rules during Lock down will be the topic where he will be taking the session at the upcoming 5To15 event.