Just check on the quality of conversations that you have. This could happen if she is looking for something that she is not getting. Probably needs more time with either of the parents. Try getting closer to her – speak to her well. Show patience with her but be firm.
This is a common issue with all children at that age. They live in technology. You cannot deny them their use but you need to find a way to monitor. Probably, you can decide on specific 1 hour on a friday when they can use it. You will have to be firm but let them know the reasons.
Check if you find this as a behaviour that has changed in recent times – if yes, then she is wanting something that you are not giving. Maybe more attention. Again, check on the environment in school and with friends. Be gentle and try to be friendly. This is an age where you will have to show patience.
We need to understand that the ages from 10 to 18 years, is a critical period for the child. In this period, they undergo physical and mental changes, and they are still trying to discover themselves. They become aware of their appearance, and are trying to find their identity in society. So they go through a stage of testing whether they are good or bad, right or wrong, etc. The brain continues to develop and mature here. We need to give them a little space during this time, and also some respect. It’s important to interact with them more, encourage them to discuss their problems with you in confidence, and give them all the support. This is a general response for all children in this age group. However, if there is a specific problem, the counsellor is best suited to help you. Check if there was some past experience that has bothered her. This is the time she needs your support, so be gentle.
This again, has relevance to my previous response. However, if he is too aggressive, please take help of a counsellor. Also, check on his friend circle, and the environment.
You need to watch yourself as parents and your interaction and behaviour towards the child. Sometimes, if we give in too much, and help them with everything, they will tend to be dependant. You will slowly and gently refrain from doing all his activities.
He definitely requires a psychologist or even a psychiatrist. This is a specific case and you should act on it quickly.
Its difficult to say – there could be many reasons. It could be something he saw like movies, or maybe its a threat to get something from you. There has to be some intention behind the behaviour. Ask him what he intends to achieve from suicide – how would he benefit from it. Also, keep an eye on his mobile – what is he browsing, or seeing. there are multiple distractions for them. Generally, this is a part of the growing up. Ages 14 to 17, many get involved romantically, get infatuated, breakups, etc which can generate stress. Some openly talk about it, and some don’t. What they need is maximum parental support here. You need to see if they are getting enough attention and in the right dose. If they are not, it may lead to frustration and anger. Too much attention is also bad.
You need to check a few things – is one of them getting more attention or love than the other, from the parents / grandparents? Is one of them getting more scolding from the parents? Or, is one of them better at certain things (like studies or sports) which the other one is not? There could be many reasons, but primarily this happens when there is some sort of ‘lesser’ feeling in one of them. One other reason is also that they observe the parents – for instance, I know a case where the father and the father’s brother often had heated arguments, and so the children also feel it’s ok to be angry on each other. In general, let me add a note – we see our child from a very small age to growing up. We continue to treat them as small children even though they may be now 11 or 12 years old. But the child is asking for some space. So our behaviours as parents must also change towards them. They are needing a friend in you whom they can be comfortable in conversing, and can confide easily. So we need to accept those behaviours and change ours as well.
Shyam Kalle – Behavioural changes in a Teenager
He is a parenting expert by profession. He is a success coach, mind transformation and motivational trainer and also conducts online parenting seminars.
He is the author of the best seller book, ‘The Unbound Transformation’ and is an NLP( Neuro-linguistic programming) Expert. NLP is a pseudoscientific approach to communication, personal development and psychotherapy.
Shyam Kalle’s ideas as a success coach are known to be simple, practical, eye opening and powerful. His expertise lies in understanding the learning styles of children, handling children emotions, removing their fears, etc.
Shyam Kalle – Dealing With Behavioral Changes In Teenagers will be the topic where he will be taking the session at 5To15 event.