Riddhi Doshi Patel – How To Deal With Bullying

Dealing with Bullying
Expert session Question & Answers

My daughter is 15 years old and is a very friendly child. However, since her class was reshuffled a year back she isn't able to fit in. An otherwise adjusting and friendly child she says everyone rejects her when she tries to get to know them. Is this some sort of bullying. She refuses to join them in the nonsense they do saying it is disrespectful many a time. She feels this may be the reason.

First of all, this is seen in many children who tend to change the school or the class while in their last years at school. It gets difficult for few to adjust. You can support your child here by asking her to be more focused on her work rather than trying to fit in for doing things which is against her values. Her performance in the class will raise her bar.

How to know if a child is getting bullied in school?

Harsha ,there are multiple reasons , few of which are :

  1. The child often refuses to go to school
  2. Talks negative about self 
  3. Goes more conscious about looks and the things she/he carries to school
  4. Low self esteem
  5. Avoids mingling with friends 
  6. Little fearful about situations and things happening around 
  7. Goes reactive to small incidents.

How should we react to bullying by society, friends and relatives?

Make your child understand his/her worth. Things will go better soon.

My son is in 8th standard he is bullying his friends. How to stop this habit.

Explain the consequences of being bullied and being a bully. When a child is involved in bullying others, to some extent,  the child is low on confidence , from within he too is insecure . Work on this please.

My son is 8 years old and is very soft by nature so some boys always trouble him, sometimes hit and tease him. How to teach him to deal with such people?

Start appreciating his small efforts, make him feel worthy of himself, sit with him and let him express his feelings , avoid using language like soft, unable to do, you aren’t strong etc which hurts him deep down, reason being, parents are their big supporters and if we as parents don’t support, their core is affected.

My child is 12 years and sometimes refuses to go to school, though he does not give me a reason, but off late does not seem interested in taking part in school activities. Earlier was into music & sports. Has put on a little weight too. Any advice or suggestions on this?

Sit with him and talk. Give him your quality time. Also by any chance if you feel it’s not working out, don’t shy from taking professional help.

My son is 9 years old and is physically not very strong. Very often kids bully him, they hit him, meddle with his belongings etc. Initially we parents used to teach him never to hit back but when it started getting too much we asked him to hit back. But as he is physically tiny, the kids laugh at him and tell him to hit them more as it does not hurt them at all. My son is losing his self confidence.

First of all, lots of love to your little one. Never ever should a child be taught – not to hit back . Gone are the days when we say that if somebody hits you on your right cheek, extend your left to them. Now, teach your children that never initiate but if somebody does harm to you, defend yourself. Go and meet the school authorities, take their help. Side by side, help your child to excel in something, which will help him gain confidence.

I am the mother of a cochlear implanted child. He is 11 years old and goes to normal school as he can hear with the help of a device. In the school he is always made to sit on the first bench. Some kids who are new admission hit him and tease him every day. He refuses to go to school. What should be done?

Ask the school authorities to take care about this. Usually, the class teacher makes it so inclusive that the children start helping each other. There seems to be a miss from their part, please meet them.

My son is 8.5 years old. When he is bullied by any of his friends he also bullies in return but he loses his temper and due to all this fight occurs and then gets scared of going back to the same friend alone. Hence, as a mother I have to interfere between them and settle the matter for him. If I don’t intervene then he doesn’t go to play even with other friends. Please give advice on what could be the solution in such cases?

Not every time do parents need to intervene. Few things they need to sort out from their end and this is one of them. If the child gives back, it means he knows what actions can harm others and him as well. In regard to anger tantrums, start affirmations in the night, you will see the difference in the next 7 to 8 days only.

Could you elaborate more on Affirmations, what exactly needs to be done for them.

Affirmations are positive statements spoken in regard to a particular issue in regard to the child. They are supposed to be spoken when the child has gone to sleep and not gone into deep sleep, so that the subconscious mind picks up and the child accordingly benefits.

My son is 11 years old and he weighs only 15 kgs. Kids who are stronger than him consider him weak because of his lean body and bully him. What should be done for this?

First of all, show to the pediatrician,  the weight is really less. Consult a nutritionist and get his food right. Things will go good soon, post this though. Also the pediatrician will surely counsel him as well to help him overcome his inhibitions

My daughter is 5 years old. We mostly go to the garden to play on weekends. There are some friends who play with her at times and ignore her otherwise. I have seen them bully her sometimes. I explain to her that she has to deal with her friends on her own. But the other kids are also small, I can't say anything to them too. I think my daughter is not very social. I don't know whether my concern is correct as they are still small to understand anything.

5 years is too young to assess whether the child is social or not. Let the child handle the issues unless you see the major damage coming her way, else they would never be street smart. Yes, make her strong from within, explain to her the ways out and she will handle it her way, for sure.

My son is 11 years old but still gets bullied even from other kids younger to him. What should be done.

Check your parenting style. When we parents have a habit of tagging and nagging our children a lot, instructing all the time, they fail to handle situations on their own. Try and work upon this.

My daughter is 8.5 years old. There are some friends who play with her sometimes and sometimes just ignore her. Ignorance is maybe because I feel my daughter gets hyper or rather dominating while talking or playing with her friends. I explain to her that she has to deal with her friends on her own nicely and softly, but she always wants to be leader which is not possible every time. I don't know whether my concern is correct as they are still small to understand anything.

She is way too insecure. This can happen with first childs’, if the mother was tense or fearful during their pregnancy. Otherwise, start spending some quality time with her, let her speak her heart out, give her non judgemental space to talk and share, she will surely go less on her dominating spree.

How to handle overly sensitive kid who thinks of slightest mean comment as bullying? Describing one situation, they had a speech in class for all and the girl next to her (also her friend) was doing mischief like snatching the speech paper from her. So she went to the bathroom crying and did not give the speech. Later on regretting this as she prepared a lot for the speech. (Girl, 12 years)

Talk to her please. Take help from a professional,  may be a sitting or two would help her sort this for sure.

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Riddhi Doshi

Riddhi Doshi Patel – How To Deal With Bullying

Riddhi Doshi Patel is a Child Psychologist by profession. She is an Internationally certified Parenting and Behaviour Coach. She is a National awardee and a three time TEDx speaker. In the past 13+ years she has conducted numerous workshops, talks, counseling sessions covering 25000+ students and 6500+ women from various fields. She has been awarded with “National Award for Cultural Activities by AVANTIKA- Delhi”, “Excellence in Wellness”, “Young Entrepreneurs Award”, “Self Made Diva Award” among various others.

Her expertise lies in the areas of bullying, overcoming anxiety, understanding and managing anger, self care for parents, understanding and managing stress, handling conflicts among teens, etc.

With a mission to “make corporate leaders, educators and parents empowered and more aware about mental health & wellness”, Riddhi Doshi regularly gives interviews on leading media platforms.

She loves to interact with corporate leaders, educators and parents to discuss about women issues, child psychology and parenting challenges. Riddhi Doshi is an extremely warm, open and positive professional in her field.

The Session

Riddhi Doshi Patel – How To Deal With Bullying is the topic where she will be answering growing concern and questions from the parents. For more details, please visit our website.