Aparna Dixit – Bad Habits In Children & Ways To Handle Them

Bad Habits In Children & Ways To Handle Them
Expert session Question & Answers

What are the different broad types of parenting styles in current times madam.

Psychologically speaking, Authoritative : strict

Authoritarian : demanding but still communicative 

Permissive : lenient and Uninvolved : do whatever. These are the major types

 

How to handle a stubborn child and a child who thinks that her mother knows the least things and she or her teacher knows everything?

Authoritarian is the best. You state rules before hand, you discuss consequences and you stick to the consequences when the child doesn’t follow the rules. Demonstrate the behaviour you expect from the child.

My children are 13 and 7 years . What method should we apply to let our kids know that we are there friends also but with authority?

Be conscious about what you say. Discuss rather than giving instructions. Let them communicate their happy moments as well as problems with you, just listen rather than providing opinion every time they talk. To be honest, we can not be their friends ,we can be friendly parents.

My son has Asperger's syndrome. He will be starting 1st standard this year. There will be a lot of changes required to be made for his transition to a big school. Could you please guide me as to how my approach towards this should be.

This needs time to hear out, what’s the routine now, how he is coping etc.

My daughter is 9.5 years old and is a kind of good girl as she listens to me, no behaviour issues, very good at studies if I am with her, studies well, but the only problem is she is not getting responsible for her studies, and wants me to make time table for her and I have to be behind her to sit and study. Once she studies she does well. I don't want to be strict with her but sometimes get annoyed because of not getting responsible. What can be done.

She is not teen yet. If you express that you know what you are talking about, they can’t dismiss you. Also it is a good idea to keep updating yourself to feel confident. State rules, state the consequences. Follow up when the child doesn’t do what he was supposed to do. Enforce consequences ( not punishment). Let him know you are in charge. 

I always try to get friendly with my children and want to explore the things I don't know. But sometimes I do not understand and they do not listen to me.

She has a lot of time to make discipline her life style, it doesn’t happen so fast. Let her be I think, your definition of success and hers might not match right now.

I have 2 daughters, they both fight a lot and I cannot even leave them both alone for a minute because when I get busy somewhere else they started fighting. Can you suggest me something to avoid them fighting.

Siblings don’t get along, that’s the harsh truth. Let them be individual personalities. You can engage them in separate tasks before you leave them on their own.

By when do kids become responsible for their studies and own routine , just curious to know the right age.

16 to 18 or even later sometimes, as hormonal changes give them autonomy and they feel like surviving on their own, feel like showing off their skills to attract the opposite gender ( sorry bit direct but that’s the truth).

Sometimes I try giving my daughters different tasks to avoid fights, but sometimes the circumstances are like they have to sit together. Is there any solution for me to make them fight less?

I don’t think so, not till they have that need from within.

My daughter of age 13 is in 9 th and is an all-rounder, but doesn't get along with her younger sister (also an all-rounder) 7 years, please suggest something for this situation.

Let them grow separately, they will develop that sibling bond eventually. Please don’t force them on each other, they are in phase where they need to blossom independently. Trust me it won’t be forever.

My younger daughter will copy her elder sister (generally the mischiefs) ,which my elder daughter does not like . As they are mischiefs, they get scolded. So the elder one has a grudge over the younger one for getting the scolding. How to tackle this?

If they have to make their bed once they get up, is the rule and if 3 or more times in a week they miss doing that, the consequence is that they will miss their 2 hours TV time on the weekend. This has been decided and communicated beforehand. You let them face those consequences no matter how much crying takes place. This was just an example.

Scolding needs to be specific to that child and not generic. Younger ones are always smarter and learn from watching how we handle situations with elder ones. Need to be very conscious.

Previously there was a saying that children observe and do like they see at their home. But nowadays I don't see this happening , children have more of independent views.

This is because there is also a huge influence of TV, internet, friends and family we socially connect with. We need to discuss more with them. For example if I have just spoken to a teen who is screen addicted, I go home and discuss this with my children, understand their views, ask for their opinion. We can discuss with our children what is going on when we see a road fight, let them be vocal about what they think and learn from surrounding. If it is very wrong you can correct them, give examples etc.

My son has Asperger's syndrome. He is going to a regular preschool, is at par with the class in terms of academics, is above average in reading, vocabulary is clear and in context, though he speaks only in English. He has friends, his sensory issues have come down drastically as he's able to communicate. My issue is with his stubbornness and getting physical sometimes with his peers if things don't go according to him. He has also started saying things like I'll leave this house, I'll throw all my toys, though he's not done any of these yet.

Children with Asperger’s respond well to Cbt and behavioural modification techniques but you need to understand that socializing is very tough for him. He is in more pain than you as a parent. Don’t worry, the children around him also need training and sensitization, it’s just not him who has to fit in. Everyone has a role to play- teachers, students. You can take help of an expert to devise a behavioural modification plan and overlook its implementation.

When children say I will leave the house, throw away things, it is the result of something else. Be firm but assertive. When children don’t behave the way we want we tend to take it personally and think of it as our failure as a parent. We need to separate our child from their behaviour and use that opportunity to take out some learning out of it for both the child and us.

Which parenting style will you suggest for a 5 year old?

Authoritarian where you are firm about rules but also open for letting them learn from experience. Demanding but still warm parenting. It takes time and energy but worth it.

How to handle manipulative kids?It's like brainstorming as dealing with manipulative kids is very difficult also when they are stubborn in addition.

They manipulate because they know we will get manipulated.

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Aparna Dixit

Aparna Dixit – Bad Habits In Children & Ways To Handle Them

Aparna Dixit is a child psychologist by profession. She is a remedial teacher and behavioural therapist with focus on children and adolescents. She writes and conducts workshops for teachers , parents and counsellors on topics related to mental health.

Her expertise lie in children behavioral issues, learning difficulties, time management, stress management, developmental disorders and addictions among children and adolescents. Aparna Dixit has completed many certification courses and is experienced in research based projects carried out in University of Pune. She is associated as a counselling psychologist for the Global Grant project by the Rotary club of Hubli east and the rotary club of Wellesley, USA. Aparna Dixit believes that mental health and well being are closely related with our perspective. She says that designing a life based on broader perspective rather than narrower, will bring forth our best self and help each one of us reach our full potential. 

The Session

Aparna Dixit – Bad Habits In Children & Ways To Handle Them will be the topic where she will be taking the session at 5To15 event.