Psychologically speaking, Authoritative : strict
Authoritarian : demanding but still communicative
Permissive : lenient and Uninvolved : do whatever. These are the major types
Authoritarian is the best. You state rules before hand, you discuss consequences and you stick to the consequences when the child doesn’t follow the rules. Demonstrate the behaviour you expect from the child.
Be conscious about what you say. Discuss rather than giving instructions. Let them communicate their happy moments as well as problems with you, just listen rather than providing opinion every time they talk. To be honest, we can not be their friends ,we can be friendly parents.
This needs time to hear out, what’s the routine now, how he is coping etc.
She is not teen yet. If you express that you know what you are talking about, they can’t dismiss you. Also it is a good idea to keep updating yourself to feel confident. State rules, state the consequences. Follow up when the child doesn’t do what he was supposed to do. Enforce consequences ( not punishment). Let him know you are in charge.
She has a lot of time to make discipline her life style, it doesn’t happen so fast. Let her be I think, your definition of success and hers might not match right now.
Siblings don’t get along, that’s the harsh truth. Let them be individual personalities. You can engage them in separate tasks before you leave them on their own.
16 to 18 or even later sometimes, as hormonal changes give them autonomy and they feel like surviving on their own, feel like showing off their skills to attract the opposite gender ( sorry bit direct but that’s the truth).
I don’t think so, not till they have that need from within.
Let them grow separately, they will develop that sibling bond eventually. Please don’t force them on each other, they are in phase where they need to blossom independently. Trust me it won’t be forever.
If they have to make their bed once they get up, is the rule and if 3 or more times in a week they miss doing that, the consequence is that they will miss their 2 hours TV time on the weekend. This has been decided and communicated beforehand. You let them face those consequences no matter how much crying takes place. This was just an example.
Scolding needs to be specific to that child and not generic. Younger ones are always smarter and learn from watching how we handle situations with elder ones. Need to be very conscious.
This is because there is also a huge influence of TV, internet, friends and family we socially connect with. We need to discuss more with them. For example if I have just spoken to a teen who is screen addicted, I go home and discuss this with my children, understand their views, ask for their opinion. We can discuss with our children what is going on when we see a road fight, let them be vocal about what they think and learn from surrounding. If it is very wrong you can correct them, give examples etc.
Children with Asperger’s respond well to Cbt and behavioural modification techniques but you need to understand that socializing is very tough for him. He is in more pain than you as a parent. Don’t worry, the children around him also need training and sensitization, it’s just not him who has to fit in. Everyone has a role to play- teachers, students. You can take help of an expert to devise a behavioural modification plan and overlook its implementation.
When children say I will leave the house, throw away things, it is the result of something else. Be firm but assertive. When children don’t behave the way we want we tend to take it personally and think of it as our failure as a parent. We need to separate our child from their behaviour and use that opportunity to take out some learning out of it for both the child and us.
Authoritarian where you are firm about rules but also open for letting them learn from experience. Demanding but still warm parenting. It takes time and energy but worth it.
They manipulate because they know we will get manipulated.
Aparna Dixit is a child psychologist by profession. She is a remedial teacher and behavioural therapist with focus on children and adolescents. She writes and conducts workshops for teachers , parents and counsellors on topics related to mental health.
Her expertise lie in children behavioral issues, learning difficulties, time management, stress management, developmental disorders and addictions among children and adolescents. Aparna Dixit has completed many certification courses and is experienced in research based projects carried out in University of Pune. She is associated as a counselling psychologist for the Global Grant project by the Rotary club of Hubli east and the rotary club of Wellesley, USA. Aparna Dixit believes that mental health and well being are closely related with our perspective. She says that designing a life based on broader perspective rather than narrower, will bring forth our best self and help each one of us reach our full potential.
Aparna Dixit – Bad Habits In Children & Ways To Handle Them will be the topic where she will be taking the session at 5To15 event.