What is Your Parenting Style? What works best
Expert session Question & Answers

My son is 5 years old and he needs video watching while eating food from the past 3 years. How can we stop this now?

Ok. Basically every child requires some distraction while eating. But we should not use TV/mobile as a means. 

  1. Tell him stories while eating. 
  2. Read some story books for him

My children are 7 and 13 years old (boys). There is sibling rivalry, how do we handle it? The elder one is more verbal (talks non stop through the day-to-day symptoms of ADHD if you are aware) and younger one retaliates by hitting him, then both get into hitting each other. I have tried a few strategies and have managed or reduced it to minimal. As a mother what best can be done from your perspective?

Handling two kids at the same moment can be challenging for parents. Handle the elder one first in this situation. He’s 13, so grown up enough to be doing some required activities which will consume his time. In the meantime, in your family routine, there should be some assignment for all – exhibiting work for all and hence rights for all. 

This style would build up faith in the younger one (7 years)

How do we develop good habits in my child now as he is growing? (Boy, 5 months old

Good habits are developed by family environment, style and mutual behavior. Frankly 5 months is a very young age. Still – You should avoid shouting / angry behavior. Do storytelling and character build up discussion.

My son is 5 years old and doesn't want to study or gets distracted very easily. How to improve his focus so that whatever he is doing does with proper concentration?

It is not about just increasing his concentration. 

It’s also about removing distraction. Provide a reading environment at home. If you read, your child will sit beside and read. If you’re on mobile, the child will be watching you (sorry to say). We should make a home environment where reading (newspaper/books/magazines) is habitual.

My daughter is 14 years old and she uses her mobile a lot. What should be done? माझी मुलगी १४ वर्षाची आहे, खुप मोबाईल वापरते

You cannot keep your daughter away from the mobile, but teach her how to use it effectively. Mobile phones can be used for studying as well.

Parenting is a joint effort from both parents. If one parent has a busy schedule, then the other parent is burdened entirely with parenting responsibility. That is when mobile phone and screen time becomes a way to ease off the load. Can you suggest strategies in such instances? (Age- 4 and 9 years)

Cutting down the screen time is important for all – both parents & kids. Parents have to provide an environment where both parents play a crucial role. The scene happening is one parent who feels to be overloaded with parenting responsibility, sheds it on screen time. But then why not on activities which involve thinking. Use puzzles not videos. Use SUDOKU not chota bheem. We’re not against technology. But use the right form. Another useful method is to have activity sets readily available in the market. Those are DIY kits and kids really enjoy doing, if sensibly given as per age.

My son is 10 years old. He always argues for small small things. What should be done?

Age is the factor. Explain the harmful situations when argument is injurious. Do some moral policing – anyone who disrespects the home rules will be penalised (not punished). Further, there’s some family background of argument. Avoid mutual argument in front of kids.

My daughter is 12 yr old. We are living in the UK. She is an all rounder. However she reacts unreasonably on occasions whenever we suggest more focus on studies. Please suggest how to develop her own focus on studies.

From the age of 10+ onwards, kids become bombs, they can explode anytime. She (your child) is now a grown up, don’t treat her as a kid. Respect her ideas and decisions. You have to be like a *chit-chat friend*, if you wish to advise her about studies. Dear Parents, we always keep telling that for having an ideal kid, we can’t have ideal parents, but we surely can ‘train ourselves to be Ideal Parents’.

My son just argues starting from morning breakfast, till night sleep. We are using the screen time app to control his screen time. And he is very much angry because of this and he uses examples related to other kids who can use mobile as much as they want.

Sorry to say, but both methods are wrong. Cut screen time – but by giving a suitable / enjoyable alternative, not by using another app. Giving peer examples – fire on petrol. Kindly don’t make him feel insecure / inferior. Rather boost his confidence. He must be good in some activity – appraise him for that. Tell he’s the best. Our Parenting Styles and techniques are perhaps not synchronised with the Psychology of children. 

We keep comparing our days with today’s, but we forget that we used to spend summer holidays in paternal-maternal houses in our hometown. Those days are not the same. We need to learn how to? 

*Authoritative parents* have been found to have the most effective parenting style in all sorts of ways: academic, social- emotional, and behavioral. Like authoritarian parents, the authoritative parents expect a lot from their children, *but also they expect even more from their own behavior*

My son has started telling lies sometimes though we have told him that we are not going to punish and we don't punish him. How to encourage him to say the truth?

Birbal’s stories –  the best solution to such kids. The habit comes from society and may be school friends. You can’t stop right away. To encourage him, you must reward. Give him some work / household chores and after completion reward him. Tell him that even for saying the truth, he’ll also be appraised. Tell others that your child is very truthful and appraise him in front of relatives etc. This will encourage him to speak the truth.

Please do share with all the certified workshops on parenting that you are starting this week. I am sure all will gain. Do share before you end today's session.

As mentioned I would be conducting the workshop on whatsapp – It will be a one hour daily session from 25th march till 10th April. Everyday there will be Audios-Videos & pdf lessons, followed by live chat sessions like this. At the end of the course, all attendees will appear for an on-line test and get certified. Those who are interested to join today after this session till mid-night will get 10% discount on the course fees

My son 5 years old and cries very frequently if we don't listen to his wishes. How to manage this behavior please suggest as otherwise he is a nice chap.

Crying is the technique he uses to trap your feelings. Simply ignore it a few times, then you will notice he will either try another technique or he’ll get angry and violent.

Any suggestions for improvement of handwriting at the age of 11 as he just doesn't seem to like writing.

It’s too late to improve my handwriting. As he’s 11, his hands and gripping fingers have taken requisite shapes. But perhaps you may motivate him to start drawing and this may improve handwriting. If he’s interested in science and similar subjects, then drawing is important is what you may tell and try.

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Abhra Pratip Ray – What is Your Parenting Style? What works best

Abhra Pratip RayWhat is Your Parenting Style? What works best

Abhra Pratip Ray is a Professor, Teachers’ Trainer, Educator, Psychometric Trainer, Counselor. He is the owner and Director of Pinnacle EDUCARE(An organization into research of Behavior of senior secondary students and behavioral therapy) and Rays Academy and has been awarded as the ‘Best Teacher by Image Achievers Welfare Forum, Mumbai and the Best Education Mentor award from Brands Academy, Delhi’. He has written 39 research papers into Educational behavior of Adolescents. Abhra Pratip Ray has recently presented a research paper in a state level seminar. His expertise lies in Parenting & Mistakes, Empowering Girls, Early Adulthood, Parental Rights, etc.

The Sessions

Abhra Pratip Ray What is Your Parenting Style? What works best will be the topic where he will be taking the session at upcoming 5To15 event.